Astral Authority to Record Dreams
2nd August 2005 a.v.
Bruxelles (Hengist X-Wire). The Astral Authority today announced its decision to completely ignore basic human rights and use the propaganda medium of the Free Press to present a gross injustice as a fait accompli, declaring that all dreams will henceforth be recorded by its secret Menwith Hill installation as part of the ongoing effort against Terror. From August the 12th, extremist dreamers will now be subject to a universal wake-and-search policy, the authority for which will be included in a footnote to the Parliamentary “Liberalization of Dreams Bill 2005”, to be passed (subject to approval by the House of Lords) later this year.
The stipulations of the Bill resolve to one essential point: everyone who cannot prove that they were exactly where they dreamed they were on any given date will be asked to invent a hypnagogic pun on the word “dream” that relates to penal injustice, or else suffer opprobrium, ignominy and ultimate desolation. The only spokesman who comments upon these matters in the U.K. Free Press, the U.S. Intelligence asset and former speechwriter David Frum, said that the new law is a natural consequence of many decades of unprecendented freedom. Thelemites responded to the decision by relying on vested governmental interests, influence in Unseen Places and otherwise by generally accepting the status quo. Aleister Crowley was mentioned several times, though without effect.
Rupert Murdoch, on the other hand, was in agreement with himself and with all of his readers. That was, until a grotesque appendage of the occult underground reared his ugly head and began to spout forth nonsense which no sane reader could ever be expected to read, and which this dignified organ known as the Occult Newswire could not afford the space to print, even if it were possible to use very small type and forego our normal and demonstrably accurate daily account of world events, summarized neatly in the context of the universally accepted version of political history which subsists in the Free Press as a result of our free market freedom-of-choice freedoms, and which is not in any way influenced by members of the Security Services.
Under the new law, the U.K. Astral Police task-force – known as “SO-4-19” – will begin operations to crack down on unauthorized use of allegory, allusion, metaphor and symbolism: the tools known to be used by fundamentalist “dreamers” in their attempts to usurp the rule of law and silly government. Turkey was quick to respond to these new threats by arresting all members of suspected sleeper cells near their Iraqi border and strangling them to death in accordance with arbitrary guidelines set forth by themselves and the new International Anti-anti-Freedom Coalition, as yet undefined.
The British Prime Minister Tony Blair stepped forth to make the point that all states such as Turkey, who have a genuine right to inclusion in the Greater European Union – in contrast to those “rogue states” – would be supported by International Justice. He highlighted his commitment to the E.U. Constitution, which, in its accession to the 1950 “Convention for the Protection of Human Rights”, would allow E.U. states to shoot those who “resist arrest” or “riot”, especially when “war” is imminent, in the overall drive for world peace and freedom from Terror.1The U.S. Ambassador to Turkey was unavailable for comment, due to a prior engagement with Turkish representatives from the Board of Free Garrotte Trade.
In a further concerted effort to alleviate the tensions which have arisen as a result of this legislation, some important politicians had lunch together and considered their election strategies. Hans Miether-Pickel and Dieudonné le Moutarde spoke out about the need for greater table-wide solidarity, whilst the delegates from Hungary demanded a greater share in overall decision-making. Eventually, all the representatives tabled a motion, or at least showed their willingness to accede to their fundamental obligations at a future date.
The general thrust of the meeting, however, centred on the need to impress upon the masses the undeniable fact that we are all a part of a greater whole, which accepts restriction of freedom in order to gain greater freedom at some indefinite point in the future. Everyone at the independently owned Occult Newswire understands this important principle, and will continue to strive towards a greater understanding of the editorial line.
*** See page 94 for big buns and the latest circus action!! ***
1 The U.S. Ambassador to Turkey was unavailable for comment, due to a prior engagement with Turkish representatives from the Board of Free Garrotte Trade.
